Darkflash: All Or Nothing At All

I was reminded a bit ago about this incident from the days before I had a blog. And I thought it might be worthy of a darkflash. If any of you remember other amusing emails I sent out years ago, suggest them. Perhaps I will put them in a Darkflash too.

In any case, the following is an email I sent out to some of my friends on 2 Mar 2002 at 20:20:33 UTC. Enjoy. And keep in mind: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!! (I certainly never will again!)

OK, it took me a lot longer than I had planned because I took a couple detours.

But a few seconds ago I hit the following reading on my scale:

3/2/2002 17:43 GMT — Weight 170.0 (BMI 24.4) — % Body Fat 22.2%

This means on BMI I am down 10.5 pounds (1.5 BMI points) , or 5.8% from my worst of the year.

(On %BF I am down 2.3 points, or a 9.2% improvement from my worst of the year.)

In any case, the specifics don’t matter. What matters is that I had promised that when I hit 170.0 I would eat an entire package of Oreo Double Stuffs and report on what happened. I bought the pack of Oreo Double Stuffs over a month ago and have kept it unopened. I have also been keeping stocked on milk (whole milk of course, I don’t like the watered down kind) waiting for this moment. I’ve had to throw away 2 gallons of milk as they went bad before they were needed, but I have a fresh gallon waiting. (Almost, I actually opened the gallon and made some hot cocoa a couple times, so I have a little less than a gallon.)

Anyway, here are the stats. The package of Double Stuffs has 15 ounces of cookies, or 425 g. That is 0.93 pounds of cookies. So just under a pound. I will also count how many cups of milk I drink. I will be using a measuring cup to determine how much milk I drink with the cookies.

I will give nutritional stats on what I eat (both milk and cookies) when I am done.

Anyway, here goes:

Before: 3/2/2002 17:43 GMT — 170 lb (24.4 BMI) — 22.2% BF

Time to eat the cookies…

OK… I have now eaten half the pack of Oreo Double Stuffs… (that’s 15 cookies) and have drunk 3 cups (0.7 liters) of whole milk.

I am definitely starting to feel a bit sick. And it is harder to eat these. But I must finish of course! So here I go for the second half…

I have now eaten 21 cookies… And drunk 4 cups of milk. Each cookie now is a major effort, and I’m having to wait several minutes between each cookie, and am definitely getting queasy. I only have 9 cookies left to go. I know I can do it. I just have to take my time. And use my willpower. This is rather crazy, but hey, a promise is a promise…

OK… 22 cookies… And another half cup of milk. I am missing my haircut appointment. I’m also feeling pretty sick now. That last cookie was really difficult. So I am going to lie down a few minutes before I regroup and attack the last 8 cookies…

OK, took about a 15-20 minute break, time to try again… Did 3 more cookies… Time for an other pause. 5 more cookies to go, but I need to wait a few minutes…

Did one, waited five more minutes… Four to go… I’m now on my 7th cup of milk… Lets see if I can crunch through these last 4…

I did 2… One more five minute break, then I’ll finish up… I’m feeling less sick going slowly.

OK… Here goes… The last push… OK, one more cookie down…

One to go… Ahh!!!

Done!!! 30 Oreo Double Stuff Cookies, and 8 cups of whole milk (that is 1.9 liters).

Here is the before reading again:

Before: 3/2/2002 17:43 GMT — 170.0 lb (24.4 BMI) — 22.2% BF

OK, time for the after reading:

After: 3/2/2002 19:56 GMT — 175.0 lb (25.1 BMI) — 25.2% BF

OK, this means that in one “meal” I ate 0.9 pounds of cookies, and drank 4.1 pounds of milk. My weight and BMI increased by 3.5% in one meal, and my %BF increased by 13.5%. Ouch! I also note that at 25.2% BF, this completely wipes out all gains I’ve made for the entire year, and for that matter sets a new “worst” for the year on Percent Body Fat. My previous worst %BF was 25.0% which I last hit on January 13th.

OK, adding up both the 30 cookies and the 1.9 liters of whole milk, here are my nutrition stats for this “meal”:

First of all, including time to write the intro on this email and my pauses, this “meal” took me 2 hours and 13 minutes. That is one cookie every 4 minutes and 26 seconds, and one cup of milk every 16 minutes and 38 seconds. I went much faster for the first half of the cookies, but then I had to slow down.

Calories: 3300
Calories from Fat: 1460
Total Fat: 169 grams (251% of recommended daily amount)
Saturated Fat: 62.5 grams (320% of recommended daily amount)
Cholesterol: 280 milligrams (96% of RDA)
Sodium: 3170 milligrams (130% RDA)
Total Carb.: 388 grams (137% RDA)
Fiber: 15 grams (45% RDA)
Sugar: 283 grams
Protein: 79 grams
Vitamin A: 48% RDA
Vitamin C: 48% RDA
Iron: 90% RDA
Vitamin D: 208% RDA

OK. That’s it for now. I missed my haircut, I will have to call and reschedule. But I think I will reschedule for next weekend rather than trying to go in later today or tomorrow. I don’t feel as sick any more, but I am now very tired and wiped out. I need to just relax, watch TV, and sleep.

I’ve eaten enough for a couple days. We’ll see how long it takes me to drop the five pounds from the cookies and milk. I may try to just fast until I get back to 170.0, but if I get really hungry I’ll probably snack. If I just fast it off I should be back to 170.0 by Monday. We’ll see.

OK, I am going to go lie down. I need to lie down.

Later all.